So my last post detailed how I had gone on a spiral these last few weeks. I was having panic attacks two or three times a day. Panic attacks where I would stiffen and couldn’t breathe. I gasped for air and clenched my fist tight, digging my nails into my palms.
Things were getting bad and everything was slipping away. I had to start making changes to help get myself better. So, I went on hiatus a bit, disappearing effectively from social media and leaving my site in the rearview.
I had a goal when I first started this site to deliver three posts a week: One mental health, one book review, and one author interview. Everything was going great there for a while, but then the depression took hold and choked the motivation out of me. I felt defeated, like a failure. I didn’t think I could ever reach my goal.
After my medicine kicked in and things equalized in this bizarre mind of mine, I saw clearer. Then I realized, who reaches their goal on the first try? Maybe I can’t post three posts a week right now because, let’s face it, life is busy. But that’s okay. I can do one post a week. One mental health post a week to keep on helping people. I want to help people.
I had to get better before I could keep helping other people who were fighting similar battles to mine. I want to give people hope and help them see that everything will be okay. Especially in the moments when they feel alone, I want to help people realize they aren’t alone.
Every time I visit the darkness, I try to learn a lesson from the trip. Even though it’s a shitty thing to go through, I can always learn something from it. There has to be a reason we’re put through these trials and tribulations, right?
What I learned in the darkness this time was that they loved me. People I once feared were tired of me or trying to get rid of me were the ones I turned to for help. But the darkness can be scary when your entire world feels like it’s crashing.
I’ve been there. I’ve been there as recently as a month ago. But I survived. I came out the other side with my vision cleared. I feel better because I reached out to my support system, who guided me in the right direction when I got lost. They helped me come out of the darkness and I want to be there for everyone else when they get to that moment because it isn’t easy. It isn’t something we can do alone. We aren’t alone. None of us are.
You will always have me, friend.